2014 was supposed to rock. It was going to be the year I made 10 mile runs my bitch, the year when I got my half-marathon PR, and maybe even thought full marathon. I was going to rule!
It didn't work out that way. 2014 was the year of mourning. So many losses, punctuated most sharply by the loss of my vivid and beautiful father-in-law, Daddy T. Running became a way to deal with grief, to distract myself from all the unhappiness and sorrow. Working out made me breathe when tears wanted to short-circuit my breath. I still ran, but it was with a heavy heart. I didn't do any races. Or long runs. I wanted running to help me, and it did, but my endurance was no longer as profound as it had been. Still, I ran.
So with the new year coming up, I've altered my fitness goals/wishes:
1) To maintain my weight in the 135 to 138 range, but not to flip out if it's not. This weight range makes it easier to run--I don't care about clothing size. Clothing sizes are a bunch of lies anyway.
2) To run with a joyful spirit, not taking for granted the fact that I can run. My beloved Daddy T. had Parkinson's, so to see him go from someone who walked at a quick and steady clip to someone who could barely move was heartbreaking. I'm not going to take the gift of movement for granted.
3) To stretch and weight train, even though they aren't my favorite ways to exercise. I have neglected these areas, but if I want to run when I'm 70 (and I do), I need stretching and weight training. Thank goodness for planks (because I hate crunches) and dynamic stretches (because I am so antsy).
4) To get "everyday exercise"--running/walking stairs, going for walks after meals, dancing with my headphones on, etc. Formal workouts are great, but sometimes a gal just needs to move!
5) To admire the fitness achievments of others, to be a fitness cheerleader, but not to pressure myself to match or surpass such achievements. People think there's only one way to be a runner, since mostly, in popular culture, runners are marathoners. It's great to run marathons, don't get me wrong. But I like middle distances (five miles through half-marathons). I reject the notion that I'm not a runner if I don't run marathons. But I do love cheering on all sorts of runners.
6) To cross train: bike, elliptical, row--whatever strikes my fancy!
7) To love my body and thank it often for what it permits me to do. I spent a lot of time this year in the land of body blame. That's a neighborhood not worth visiting.
So I declare 2015 the year of body acceptance. No more body blaming, scale worship, food lustings, make up exercise, or clothes worries. Essays and poems about the above: yes.